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Self-Compassion
We crave kindness and compassion from others or are happy to give it to others, but we are completely unable to offer it to ourselves. We feel so hurt and upset with others when they are judgemental and unfair to us, but we are often the worst of bullies to ourselves.
Dr Kristine Neff is an American psychologist and researcher who has spent many years of her career in the study of self-compassion. She defines self-compassion as treating yourself with the same kindness, care and support that you would offer to a good friend in times of struggle or failure. It consists of three key components: self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness.
Self-kindness is the foundation of self-compassion. It entails being gentle and understanding with ourselves, especially when we encounter setbacks or make mistakes. When we make a mistake, feeling that we have failed in an important task, or feeling unprepared and inadequate when dealing with others; we reassure ourselves by using words of encouragement and support instead of harsh self-criticism. This shift in perspective allows us to recognise our humanity and inherent worth, regardless of our flaws or imperfections.
Common humanity serves as a reminder that we are not alone in our struggles. It recognises that suffering is a universal human experience and that feelings of inadequacy or failure are part of the shared human condition. It is important to connect with others to experience closeness and belonging, rather than isolating ourselves within our emotional pain and experiencing loneliness and disconnection.
Mindfulness plays a crucial role in self-compassion by helping us acknowledge our emotions without judgment or avoidance. It involves being present in the moment, observing our thoughts and feelings with openness and curiosity rather than trying to take control. In other words, we are not trying to change and/or judge the way we feel/think/act, we are merely observers of what is happening.
Research in psychology has highlighted numerous benefits of practicing self-compassion. Studies have shown that individuals who are self-compassionate experience lower levels of anxiety, depression and stress. They also exhibit greater resilience in the face of adversity, as self-compassion fosters a sense of emotional stability and self-assurance. This happens because instead of keeping ourselves caged inside our critical inner self, self-compassion reminds us of our strengths and qualities, exactly like a good friend.
This type of encouraging and supportive self-talk motivates us to make changes towards reaching our goals. In other words, we begin to strive not because we’re feeling inadequate, but because we care about ourselves and our happiness. The journey itself becomes a positive and exciting one, instead of a constant exhausting battle of keeping our heads above water.
Further Reading: Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: the proven power of being kind to yourself.
self-compassion.org
The information provided is from Better Together Community Support. This advice may not suit your personal situation and therefore cannot substitute real psychological advice, please consult a professional if this has raised issues for you.
We respectfully acknowledge the Traditional Owners of the lands on which Better Together Community Support operates, being Tablelands Yidinji, Dulabed Malanbarra, Mamu, Jirrbal, Ngadjon-jii, Bar-Barrum, Warrungnu, Ewamian, Tagalaka and Koko Muluridji. We recognise the continuing connection to land, waters, cultures and kin that our Traditional Owners uphold. We pay our respect to Elders past and present, who give us strength, inspiration and guidance to deliver great outcomes for all Tablelanders.
